In my last post about caring for our aging parents I wrote: “my strongest suggestion is to make a thorough assessment of what is going on in your parents’ life rather than just accepting what you are being told. Honestly, don’t most of us want to believe that we can take care of ourselves, and we don’t want to admit that we can’t take care of ourselves? And for those of us that are getting older, shouldn’t we reach out to our children and encourage them to pay attention to what is happening in their parents’ lives so they can give an honest appraisal of what they see and act, when necessary?
I did reach out to my children and did encourage them pay attention to what is happening in their parent’s lives and to give us honest feedback about what they see and act. They did and now I realize that I am not very good at taking advice about what I should do and how I should do it. I realize that I still want to believe I can still do almost all of the things that I was accustomed to doing, but at a different level. My wife, on the other hand, is much better at receiving help and she seems to side with my sons. I should have remembered the adage: “Be careful what you ask for because you might get it.”
Part of my dilemma is that I have spent a lot of time working with children and adults that have a “disability” and I have encouraged them to “be able not disabled.” I have seen a lot of success in the lives of those that want to live their lives as an abled, not disabled person. The greatest successes I have seen were those that had a positive attitude and a solid support system. Some needed to be encouraged to try to do things that they didn’t think they could accomplish and some needed to be encouraged to do an honest assessment of what they are trying to accomplish and how quickly they should be able to accomplish their goals. But honestly, who wants to be told that they can do something that they want to do?
For me, I was discouraged from riding my 1974 DT 250 Yamaha Enduro, doing remodeling that involves using ladders and taking on projects that require more physical abilities than I no longer have. Those are things that I now believe in, and because my youngest son is very involved in my life, he can help me with projects that I want to complete, and I can help him with projects that he wants to complete. I have learned to listen to his advice and my wife’s advice.
I have a large group of friends in their seventies, so we have a lot of opportunities to discuss our limitations and still plan things that we can do. I also have a number of friends that have a “disability” and I am amazed at what they have accomplished. It is really great to have a support system, and I am learning to be less concerned about what I can’t do.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue and what you have learned.
